True Braveheart

The personality Dot is fascinating, as it seems to be the effort of our True Self to have a safe identity out in the world.  Born into families and cultures with values, and certain behaviors and feelings that are affirmed, we as clever little tykes quickly figure how to get our needs met by developing certain identities. Below is a list of common identities we can use:

Common Compensatory Identities

Why is understanding your Acting Identity important?  Because even though you bring the gift of yourself somewhere in the role, there are automatic reactions from the chosen identity that keep you from really connecting to others and feeling the kind of joy we usually reserve for celebrations and special occasions.

For instance, if you are the Angry One you tend to attack and push your energy/opinions forward or if you’re the Easy Going One you may withhold/withdraw and even though these actions keep you safe in the short run, they don’t make for respectful connections that bring the sense of being understood and loved – because your heart is not open.

So a braveheart for the Angry One: take a deep breath (Holy Spirit time) and truly listen, or for the Easy Going One: take a deep breath (equally Holy Spirit time) and put some words out there. True actions open opportunities for true interactions, and love is found in that space between.

Dots in review

God – self – others

body – soul – spirit

nutrition – cognition – locomotion

past – present – future

triangle with triangles

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There are so many connections in our lives, and many of them have three sides like a stable triangle or the ‘three legged stool of health’ my beloved grandpa use to rehearse with us – Sleep well, Eat right, Exercise. Bless his heart, he was onto something but the soul and spirit of the triangle didn’t get a mention and I wonder how that played into his struggle with depression…

Self care can seem overwhelming, especially as we age – things like sleep and stretching and good nutrition become necessities if we want to enjoy vim and vigor, chasing our midlife dreams and those grandbabies around. Increasing my exercise and decreasing my carbs has helped my energy, and recently I added hot water with lemon and raw honey to my mornings.

What self care routines nourish you?

You are what you…

EAT!

MAM8

We were marching down the middle of the streets of Seattle chanting, “If it doesn’t have a label, it won’t go on our table” “We’ve got the right to know, if it is GMO” and “All we are saying, is give BEES a chance”.  It was the third annual March Against Monsanto (MAM) in May with a reported 48 countries and 421 cities participating in gatherings all over the world.  I brought my college aged son, who was soon in debate with both sides of the issue.

MAM7

My concerns are personal as well as global,  Suddenly, I had food allergies in the mid 1990s around the time genetically modified foods and heavily sprayed wheat were introduced into our food systems, without labels.  The Monsanto Company is being targeted for their flagship product Round up, that is not only an external herbicide but is also engineered into some of the food itself, so you can’t wash it off – yikes! There haven’t been long term studies done, and the research that has been done is often paid by those who have a financial investment.

Here’s to your health, and your right to know what you’re putting into your body!

MAM5 (3)

Jane Austen, PhD in personalities

Jane Austen Fairfax-xmas-08-18

Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often
used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to
our opinion of ourselves; vanity, to what we would have others think of us.
  -Jane Austen

Before modern personality assessments, there was Jane Austin. Her observations on the different behaviors and motivation are really perceptive.  The people that she creates, complete with history, preferences and values, make for some well rounded, unforgettable characters. She seems especially fond of exploring the difference between the task oriented and the heart oriented, between the practical and the romantic (idealist, adventure – not necessarily flowers and chocolate).

From Pride and Prejudice, I feel most akin to some Elizabeth and some Mary characteristics, I do love to read and discuss, and it must be for love and deeper values that everything is done, but I can be a party pooper and melancholic about issues/events that others enjoy.

What is your favorite Jane Austen book/movie?  To which character do you most relate?

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Yes, but…

There are people who listen and people who don’t, and then there are the folks who listen and say, “Yes, but…”.  I vote to kick them out of the listeners’ group. It feels like tires spinning on an icy road, there is no traction. You say something, and they don’t disagree, instead they slant the conversation by comparing what you said with something bigger, better or often, someone worse off.  An observant friend commented that even “No, but…” is a more engaging comment, at least they are tracking with you and have something to add.

In any case, you don’t feel listened to and it’s hard to return to the original point. Sometimes the slant is spoken casually, and sometimes with passion because there is hot spot in the topic for the listener.

Wouldn’t it be helpful if the listener would wave a flag?


BEWARE:

This topic = Fireworks!!


I’d like to suggest universal speaking and listening etiquette:

1. Speaker: states topic, opinion or idea without interruption, for up to 3 minutes. (I’ve read where most people can’t listen for more than 17 seconds without interrupting; well my family has broken that record, easily).
2. Listener: summarizes what is said before changing the topic or even asking a follow-up question.
3. Speaker: ‘thanks for listening’ – acknowledge the time/energy spent caring about your thoughts or feelings, this is a gift.

Vacation state of mind

Is it just getting away, is it different weather, is it not having your normal schedule? 

What is so freeing about spending a couple days in a different place, especially if it’s sunny and especially if it’s around the water?

There is an expansiveness, a clarity that comes when you look out over the ocean, mountains or any scenery that is so beautiful you can hardly take it in…