I am so very grateful on Memorial Day to pause and remember these heroes, and wouldn’t be here if a certain Sargent Duff didn’t make it back alive.
The homestead is sold, the stories are told, the memories we hold
of rocking the babies, teething and toddling, play groups, bike rides, tree forts, back yard camping, school events, downstairs Theater, parties and shared history…
with family and dear friends up the street, schools, church, swim club, YMCA all near by
Now the kids are off to their own adventures, and husband pushes onward
the dream of living near the beach is calling and we are moving on our dreams…
A Type Five and a couple of Type Twos took a trip, and the some of the differences were text book.
On the plane, when a baby was crying the Type 5 picked up a magazine and gave them privacy, the Type Twos were twisting around in their seats trying to offer help and solutions… the Type Five had researched the itinerary and had maps and suggestions in a folder, the Type Twos were so appreciative and the Type Twos offered help with luggage and shared their resources readily which the Type Five needed having packed minimally… and when invited to a large gathering, the Type Twos arrived early and were trying to help set up and talk to the leader, and see what was needed, the Type Five was in the car, getting some quiet time before the (somewhat draining) main event…
What they enjoyed that the weekend, was the adventure, weather and outings with each other and the chance to debrief with someone who shared the wonderful experience. What joy to have good friends that help us in our weak areas and appreciate our strengths!
The personality Dot is fascinating, as it seems to be the effort of our True Self to have a safe identity out in the world. Born into families and cultures with values, and certain behaviors and feelings that are affirmed, we as clever little tykes quickly figure how to get our needs met by developing certain identities. Below is a list of common identities we can use:
Why is understanding your Acting Identity important? Because even though you bring the gift of yourself somewhere in the role, there are automatic reactions from the chosen identity that keep you from really connecting to others and feeling the kind of joy we usually reserve for celebrations and special occasions.
For instance, if you are the Angry One you tend to attack and push your energy/opinions forward or if you’re the Easy Going One you may withhold/withdraw and even though these actions keep you safe in the short run, they don’t make for respectful connections that bring the sense of being understood and loved – because your heart is not open.
So a braveheart for the Angry One: take a deep breath (Holy Spirit time) and truly listen, or for the Easy Going One: take a deep breath (equally Holy Spirit time) and put some words out there. True actions open opportunities for true interactions, and love is found in that space between.
Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often
used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to
our opinion of ourselves; vanity, to what we would have others think of us. -Jane Austen
Before modern personality assessments, there was Jane Austin. Her observations on the different behaviors and motivation are really perceptive. The people that she creates, complete with history, preferences and values, make for some well rounded, unforgettable characters. She seems especially fond of exploring the difference between the task oriented and the heart oriented, between the practical and the romantic (idealist, adventure – not necessarily flowers and chocolate).
From Pride and Prejudice, I feel most akin to some Elizabeth and some Mary characteristics, I do love to read and discuss, and it must be for love and deeper values that everything is done, but I can be a party pooper and melancholic about issues/events that others enjoy.
What is your favorite Jane Austen book/movie? To which character do you most relate?
There are people who listen and people who don’t, and then there are the folks who listen and say, “Yes, but…”. I vote to kick them out of the listeners’ group. It feels like tires spinning on an icy road, there is no traction. You say something, and they don’t disagree, instead they slant the conversation by comparing what you said with something bigger, better or often, someone worse off. An observant friend commented that even “No, but…” is a more engaging comment, at least they are tracking with you and have something to add.
In any case, you don’t feel listened to and it’s hard to return to the original point. Sometimes the slant is spoken casually, and sometimes with passion because there is hot spot in the topic for the listener.
Wouldn’t it be helpful if the listener would wave a flag?
This topic = Fireworks!!
I’d like to suggest universal speaking and listening etiquette:
1. Speaker: states topic, opinion or idea without interruption, for up to 3 minutes. (I’ve read where most people can’t listen for more than 17 seconds without interrupting; well my family has broken that record, easily).
2. Listener: summarizes what is said before changing the topic or even asking a follow-up question.
3. Speaker: ‘thanks for listening’ – acknowledge the time/energy spent caring about your thoughts or feelings, this is a gift.