But wait, love doesn’t say or do things that might hurt others, right? That would go against everything I learned in my Scottandinavian, evangelical Christian background.
On the other hand:
What about “let your yes be yes, and your no be no”? What about growing up and speaking the truth kindly? What about stop deceiving each other (or ourselves) when we do things we really do not want to do? Are these loving actions?
Sometimes there are hurt feelings when we don’t live up to expectations, spoken or not. Sometimes we share what we see, what we feel or would like and … it does hurt, at first. In an ideal world, we might all want the same things and coast happily along together, rather than the constant negotiation of different needs and wants.
“Even if I caused you sorrow, I do not regret it. I see that my letter hurt you,
but only for a little while – yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry,
but because your sorrow led you to repentance.. and so were not harmed in any way by us.”
There can be surface, fragile connections when we are ‘nice’ to each other. But when we care enough to bring something up with kindness, there is room for change, restoration or deepened relationship with each other!
What about your experiences relating to speaking up respectfully for what you want? Did you receive what you asked for, lose a friendship, create understanding?